Dear Adoptive Parent

I dream about you. It's true. You probably have no clue about this but it's true. I think about you and dream about you. You see, I'm a foster mom and although the wish for most of the littles we care for in our home is reunification with their families, for some adoption is the long term plan. 

I love all of these children as my own. I really do. Before I became a foster parent I knew I could love these littles but what I didn't know was the intensity that I'd love them. I truly do love them as my own.  I dream for them and I ache for them. For in the gift of the new life in my care, there is also great sadness and angst. Sadness because of the losses that they've already experienced and yet aren't aware of yet. Angst at the unknown future that we face. 

I also feel privileged. Because I get to love these littles and be their middle mom. I get to see their first smiles, hear their first coos -- and sometimes even their first steps or later developments. And in that is also sadness. Sadness that you're missing out on these special moments. I think about you. 

And then my inner momma bear comes out: will you love this little as much as I do? Will you give him all he needs? Will you love him even when he's been naughty? Will you snuggle him when he needs special comfort? Will you sing his special songs to him?

You might think that I think you'll never measure up. But that's not my worry. Or you might think that I think very highly of myself. And that's not it either. It's just that my heart is full of love for this little. It is also full of protection for him too. And I know handing him over to you won't be easy. But my momma-heart wants to. I want you to love him as much as I do. Maybe more! My momma-heart needs to know he'll be safe and loved.

I love adoptive families and I am thankful for you. My husband and I have felt the call to foster care and not to adoption so we need you. We are thankful for families like yours who have stepped up to the plate to care for these children!

So many nights as I rock my little in my arms, I think about you and pray for you. I've never met you, I don't know anything about you, and yet I think about you. I get excited thinking that you have no idea that I've got a little who will soon be yours! I am proud of the little treasure who will soon be yours! I am thrilled that I will have the privilege of handing one of my most loved littles over to you. 

Thank you for stepping up to the plate. Thank you for opening your arms and heart to my little. Thank you for moving ahead to an unknown future with this little. Thank you for being an adoptive parent! 

I can't wait to meet you!

Ponderings of a new foster mom

Well, really I'm a foster-mom-in-waiting. 

Over the years I have become more and more patient (thank you, Lord!) but waiting to start our fostering journey has been a test.  We've been ready for months already, and "official" for two weeks tomorrow.  Apparently there is a "critical need" for foster homes for infants in our area so we responded and started the journey and training over a year ago.  And we wait.  And wait. 

Sometimes I'm happy that we haven't started yet - and other times I can't wait.  I look forward to caring for a little one and giving them a safe place to be.  To love them.  To greet them and enjoy their milestones.  To use the time God has given me to do something important in addition to caring for my husband, family and home. To sharing our family life with someone not so blessed.  I look forward to singing to them, playing with them, snuggling them, teaching them ... oh so many things.  I am giddy with excitement. 

And then the fears come in.  Will I be able to do night-time feedings again?  Will I be a good foster mom?  Will I be able to let go when I need to?  Will I learn all the new things (swaddling? bottle feeding? car seat instructions? ...) What if...?  What if...?

I know it won't be an easy "job".  Most of these children haven't had the greatest start in life.  Some of them have roadblocks in their lives right away - the effects of being exposed to alcohol and/or drugs in the womb.  Neglected sometimes.  Not stimulated.  And possibly even abused.  For some our home will be a stop on their way to their forever adoptive homes. 

However, in all of my uncertainty I am calm in the fact that I know and trust God's plans for us and I have felt His leading throughout this whole journey - from wondering if we should take this path, to training, approval and feeling His direction all along.  Even from Him putting it on my heart years ago (when I still pushed it away, afraid I wouldn't be good enough).  From friends telling us over and over that we "should be foster parents".  I am calm knowing that He has a little one planned for us and that He will give us "the call" when His time is right. 

Still each day, as the "office hours" time comes around I start to wonder:  "Is today THE DAY?" What will the day involve?  Sort of like having my own children, minus the pregnancy! 

I guess not having a placement is a good thing - it means that there isn't a need for me at the time, and that is a good thing. 

So for now I will continue to "nest".  Get the work done that I probably won't get done once a baby enters our lives -- cleaning cupboards out, major yard work, etc. etc.

And dream.  (And sleep!)

The Ugly Tears Story

(Martin Keus Photography)

"THE UGLY TEARS", yah I never thought I'd actually voluntarily share this photo...but there's such a good story behind it so I needed to share it.

This past summer our oldest child, our son, got married.  It was a new experience for us, and an exciting one too.  THAT moment had arrived - the moment that one of our children actually gets married.  An event that I'd always envisioned - even when he was a child.  We always talked to our children about their futures - "when you get married, if that is the Lord's will for you..."  Having it arrive was exciting and humbling. 

Of course any mom would be emotional at such an event, and since I'm an emotional person anyway, I knew I didn't stand a chance of avoiding tears.  But I didn't think that my tears would be a torrent! I really didn't. 

When I was walking down the aisle with Andrew Peter just moments before he said his wedding vows, I glanced up at him and in that split second it was like God was saying to me "See, I had my hand on him the whole time!" and I saw the time when I was first pregnant with him and had started bleeding (6 weeks). I had an ultrasound to see if I was miscarrying ... but instead we saw his heart beating! ... In that split second, at the wedding, all my doubts from back in 1988 were shown to me ... it was humbling and amazing.

You see, the bleeding didn't stop.  It kept going and I waited to miscarry.  I wish I could say that I trusted God's provision for my life, but I didn't as I should have.  My faith was weak.  I hoped.  I wished.  I thought about other things.  And I tried to have faith.  Even when things seemed impossible. 

But I didn't totally trust. 

It was humbling to see myself way back then fretting and fearing, trusting in God but not the trusting that He wants and requires of us and that we're silly not to do. 

better days, 1989,
closer to delivery

And yet He still carried me all the way.

It's hard to explain but it has been amazing to see the tapestry that God has been weaving in our lives - a lot unseen by us - but He was always there, weaving His plans for us.

God not only provided for my life - He caused my pregnancy to proceed, albeit too "eventful" for my liking.  He provided us with a well-born son and our first child.  (And we realize that sometimes providing us with what we want isn't God's will - we did lose two unborn children and went through a total of five similar pregnancies.) But God provided our son with his faith in God, He blessed our feeble efforts as parents and made them good, He blessed my failings as a homeschool mom and teacher, and He answered our many prayers for our son's future wife ... He provided a good and godly wife for our son!

How could I not feel humbled?  Feel awed? 
Feel HELD by His hands?

He provided this experience to us and He has used that awful experience for His glory. Through it we have been given an empathy for others - for the value of unborn children, for an understanding of the angst that couples go through, couples who really, really would love to have their child in their arms one day.   And we were given a huge love for children - our own and others. 

It was an awesome experience to feel things come full circle.  To see way back then in the light of today's faith and spiritual growth.  And to view the future with the knowledge of my weak faith years ago, knowing that today's faith is also likely a weak faith in the future!  God grows our faith by our trusting in Him. 

I pray that this experience causes my heart to trust God more and more in my life! 

Standing Up for Life

 

This year we did something different - something that we've never done before: we attended a political rally in Ottawa. 

Not that we've never been political - we've written letters to the government about various issues, both to local governments and to our federal government.  We've made phone calls to officials.  We've filled out petitions and surveys.  We've even called and written to radio shows and newspapers and magazines.  But this was different.

This was standing out - making a political stand.  In public.  In a crowd (of close to 20,000 people!).  On Parliament Hill.

And it was awesome!

It was awesome to be surrounded by so many who were like-minded.  I'm sure we all didn't agree exactly - but we were all there for one reason: to stand up for those who cannot speak for themselves.  To stand up for life - from conception to natural death.

And a loud message was sent to Parliament.  We need a federal law regarding abortion in Canada.

It is sobering that in a world where we work to save the whales, save the trees and save whatever else - we kill our own unborn children.  In the name of  "choice" and "rights".  And the government covers the cost!  Many in Canada (and outside of Canada, I'm sure) don't realize that Canada ranks the same as China and North Korea in it's lack of protection for the unborn. 

We live in a country that won't cover the cost of routine eye examinations, some necessary drugs, eye glasses and other such necessary items - and items which are less costly than abortions, yet abortions are funded over and over! 

When Canada got it's constitution, our abortion laws were deemed "unconstitutional" and Parliament was asked to deal with the issue.  In 1988 (when I was expecting our first of five babies) it was brought up in Parliament, and yet Parliament failed to restrict abortions.  And we have sat since then without any protections.  Back in 1988 I couldn't deal with this issue: I'd seen our unborn baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks and knew he was a living being - how could people kill their unborn children?  While I was trying to hang on to my pregnancy due to complications - the rhetoric went on and on..."At what time is a fetus a human being?", "What about women's choice?"  "Women's bodies; women's choice".  As our baby grew, and as I felt him move within me (and eventually his siblings) - I still heard the rhetoric being debated back and forth and I was ashamed.

Abortion is not the answer.  There ARE alternatives.  Chastity.  Adoption. 

Will Parliament listen?  I  hope and pray so.  For the sake of our society, for our families, for our race. 

Read more: http://weneedalaw.ca/
Canada has NO abortion LAWS!

Canada is the only country in the western world without abortion legislation. Only China and North Korea are in our company.

The mission of weneedaLAW.ca is to build a groundswell of support from across Canada for abortion legislation.

Is this for Real?

This just came to my attention via Facebook. I really don't know what to think.

First of all, the blog address is birthornot so that would mean that when this couple started this blog, their intent was to bring this discussion to the forefront. Obviously they weren't a couple who was excited about their expected baby and then were faced with a difficult pregnancy and began to think about whether or not to abort the baby.

Which makes me wonder why they started the blog - is it a publicity stunt? Is it for information? Is it a genuine quest for guidance?

If it's a genuine request for guidance, I can't believe that they have stooped this low. Is there not anyone that they can trust - who will give them guidance?

I haven't read all of the posts here, but I have read quite a few and looked at their ultrasound pics. This obviously isn't a "blob" but a human child being formed in his/her mother's womb. He/she is fearfully and wonderfully made.

How can a parent kill their own child?

I just don't get it. I know there are always "reasons" - and in certain circumstances, these "reasons" might seem legitimate...but they are never right in my opinion. I know this debate brings out the worst in people, but there are so many options available to couples today. So many families wishing for a child - so many homes open for an unwanted child.

How will this child think about him/herself when/if they are born and find out about their parents pregnancy blog? WOW.

I pray that these parents will see the truth for what it is - abortion isn't an "answer", it's killing a viable human being. I pray that God will have mercy on them, and that they will have mercy on the child that is growing.

Children are a GIFT.

Unspoken Voice

Click here to listen to a song to raise funds for pro-life organizations: Pro-Life Music

REAL babies...

Everyone knows I love babies but I guess now I'll have to be more specific. I love REAL babies...here's a crazy (IMO) story!