I don't pretend to know what really makes them tick except I've learned that a lot of us "fortunate folks" have NO IDEA. We say silly things like "the poor will always be with us" or "they just don't get it do they?" Now I'm not going to take sides in this debate - I also have been perplexed at the complexity of this segment of society that can't seem to "get it together". And I don't say that judgmentally - I'm talking about myself here too - I have thought these things prior to this journey we have embarked on. I say it with the realization that society is complex and each person's situation is filled with unique circumstances that, for some people, seem to snowball and snowball and affect subsequent generations. My motto is "except by the Grace of God I would be there too". So many of us have been blessed with relatively healthy family situations - and some have amazing family situations - and we can be guilty of taking it for granted.
Over the past 2 months I have met and hugged a recovering drug abuser, talked with parents whose children have been taken away for one reason or another, learned some things that I'd rather not know about, and seen some of the children who are stuck in between the chaos.
Here are the things that annoy me most:
- people who say "doesn't mom want her child?" Often mom is unable to care for her child for one reason or another - perhaps not actually mature enough to do the job, maybe she's homeless or has unstable housing, maybe she's an addict or a recovering addict, an alcoholic or recovering alcoholic -- all sorts of reasons why children are in care. Many of these people come from splintered families and they don't have any support around them. Some have broken family ties and have no alternatives. But reasons don't always mean she doesn't want her child! It can seem so simple to those of us who don't fight addictions: "just give up your addiction and be the mom you should be!" we say. It's not always that simple. Unfortunately a child's development doesn't wait until mom (or dad) has their act together.
- people who say "now how could a mom give up her child! (with a tsk, tsk) Some of these children have been rescued from mom! While foster care isn't the ideal, it's often waaaay better than where these children have come from. Don't give these moms any more guilt - they don't need it and it isn't effective anyway. Love the child despite the circumstance.
- people who act disgusted that mom isn't responsible It's true sometimes that parents are not responsible, however, a child is now in the equation and tsk tsking doesn't help. We need to reach out and help however we can.
- People who don't pay attention to these children - Sometimes these children are ignored when they're in groups, as if people don't want to face the reality of foster care. These children are human beings too - and probably more needy of your encouragement than the "fortunate children" around us. Love is easy to give and shouldn't be dependent on who you're related to. If you don't know how to relate, ask.
- people who want to know all the details of "the situation". While I understand curiousity, these are little lives that we're dealing with and we can't share confidential information. Sometimes I want to tell you everything - because it's hard to fathom it all sometimes in my head. But I can't. Sorry.
- people who say "but he/she is sooooooooooo cute!" For some reason people think that foster children cannot be cute. I don't get this one at all. There are cute kids everywhere and not-so-cute ones too. But they are all the same: human beings needing love and care. And even cute children are born to complex family situations.
- people who think foster parents are amazing because they're doing this job This one is just awkward. I am so thankful that God brought us to this "job", however, I fought the call for a very long time. I thought I couldn't do it - and I was right. I can only do it through God's strength. My heart breaks many times - when I hear things that I wanted to keep out of my mind, when I tread through difficult situations and when I'm not sure if I'm doing a good job.
But all of these are quieted when I see a little face looking back at me, smiling, secure and safe in my arms.
But the biggest thing that bothers me?
Christians who don't see these children for the opportunity that they are.
Christians who don't realize that society's answer to unwanted children
is abortion - and although these moms are confused,
they CHOSE LIFE.
Christians, especially, who don't see that we are so blessed,
we have more than enough to give to those "orphans" in need.
People who don't realize that it costs nothing to extend a hand,
to give a smile, to reach out.
If ever there was an evangelism opportunity, this is it!
Love doesn't cost a thing - but it goes a long way.
And, as Christians, we are called to do it.
The time is now - while a child is young. There is so much we can do just by simple actions. Did you know that children's brain circuitry is shaped when the child is stimulated by another human being? Not left alone in front of a TV - but via the back and forth chatting that should go on naturally between parents and their children! The babbling and smiles and talking to children, yes even and especially babies! Such a simple thing does so much! Watch this video:
"When a foster child comes into your home and your heart, they can stay for a month, a year or a lifetime. You are never sure how long it will be. But one thing you do know: no one can take away what you are able to share with them – security, a sense of family and love for God." (read more here: Waiting to Belong)
