Over the years I have become more and more patient (thank you, Lord!) but waiting to start our fostering journey has been a test. We've been ready for months already, and "official" for two weeks tomorrow. Apparently there is a "critical need" for foster homes for infants in our area so we responded and started the journey and training over a year ago. And we wait. And wait.
Sometimes I'm happy that we haven't started yet - and other times I can't wait. I look forward to caring for a little one and giving them a safe place to be. To love them. To greet them and enjoy their milestones. To use the time God has given me to do something important in addition to caring for my husband, family and home. To sharing our family life with someone not so blessed. I look forward to singing to them, playing with them, snuggling them, teaching them ... oh so many things. I am giddy with excitement.
And then the fears come in. Will I be able to do night-time feedings again? Will I be a good foster mom? Will I be able to let go when I need to? Will I learn all the new things (swaddling? bottle feeding? car seat instructions? ...) What if...? What if...?
I know it won't be an easy "job". Most of these children haven't had the greatest start in life. Some of them have roadblocks in their lives right away - the effects of being exposed to alcohol and/or drugs in the womb. Neglected sometimes. Not stimulated. And possibly even abused. For some our home will be a stop on their way to their forever adoptive homes.
However, in all of my uncertainty I am calm in the fact that I know and trust God's plans for us and I have felt His leading throughout this whole journey - from wondering if we should take this path, to training, approval and feeling His direction all along. Even from Him putting it on my heart years ago (when I still pushed it away, afraid I wouldn't be good enough). From friends telling us over and over that we "should be foster parents". I am calm knowing that He has a little one planned for us and that He will give us "the call" when His time is right.
Still each day, as the "office hours" time comes around I start to wonder: "Is today THE DAY?" What will the day involve? Sort of like having my own children, minus the pregnancy!
I guess not having a placement is a good thing - it means that there isn't a need for me at the time, and that is a good thing.
So for now I will continue to "nest". Get the work done that I probably won't get done once a baby enters our lives -- cleaning cupboards out, major yard work, etc. etc.
And dream. (And sleep!)
