Saturday, July 22, 2006

A SHORT CHAPTER TO ETERNAL LIFE



Recently I received an email giving me an update on a friend's health. Although we'd lost touch over the last few years, we had recently reacquainted in a small way this past spring. Her email touched my heart - here she is, diagnosed with possibly terminal cancer and her hope and joy lies in her salvation and trust in her Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ. What a testimony!
I'm sharing (with her permission) her words below - and in praying for her health, I am also praying for YOUR spiritual health. As Kathy says,
'this earthly life is only a short chapter to eternal life.'
"Most of you know I have battled with melanoma off and on for 18 years now. It has come back for the 4th time and the prognosis is not good. There is no cure though there is radiation, chemotherapy and steroid treatment to help lesson swelling; it is on my brain very similar to a cancerous form of meningitis. It is quite unusual and the location is unusual too. Surgery is not an option. We are all realistic, HOWEVER the most realistic thing in all of this is the Lord and that we are in His will. My terrific doctor hates to admit he can be wrong but is the first to do so. I am not sure that he knows the power of God’s will and the holy spirit but I do know by the time this is done, one way or the other, I want him to know some of it from our family, what ever the out come is. I am praying for first, God’s will, I will accept what ever that is, I want a cure, I want [my husband and daughter] to have peace and I want the grace to go through this with peace and happiness no matter what.
I am not scared for myself. I know my [husband and daughter] will be fine because I know God is in control. I am holding out for remission! What I want each and every one of you to think about is your salvation. It comes, not from doing good works, so unfortunately no matter how many lovely home cooked meals you make me…and you know how we love home cooked meals (hint hint), the good Lord will not take you to heaven on your culinary skills! Find out who Jesus is. The Son of God who died so you could have eternal life. Sounds weird to some of you in this high tech world, but that is the key. Ask him to forgive you for your sins and accept that they have been forgiven because he was forsaken for you. Then…this earthly life is only a short chapter to eternal life!" ~Kathy

~~~
For by grace you have been saved through faith,
and that not of yourselves;
it is the gift of God,
not of works, lest anyone should boast. Ephesians 2:8
~~~
If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus
and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead,
you will be saved. Romans 10:9
~~~
Brian Doerksen - Your Faithfulness
I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness
I don't know if these clouds mean rain
If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
I don't know what the future holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness
Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness
I don't know how or when I'll die
Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?
No, I don't know how much time is left
But in the end, I will know your faithfulness
When darkness overwhelms my soul
When thoughts and storms of doubt
Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful
Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness
I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Friday, July 14, 2006

WHEN YOU SHEPHERD ME

Psalm 23 - one of my favourite songs, by Brian Doerksen ~

~ When You Shepherd Me ~ Listen
When you shepherd me, I have everything that I need

When you make me rest, beside the peaceful stream
My soul is restored, my strength is renewed
When you shepherd me
When you shepherd me, your rod and staff comfort me

As you guide my steps, I can trust your lead
Even when I walk through the valley shadowed with death
I will not fear for you are with me
I am overwhelmed by love, over taken by your mercy

Lord your goodness without end
Will be the house in which I dwell
I am overwhelmed by love, over taken by your mercy

Lord your goodness without end
Will be the house in which I dwell
When you shepherd me, you prepare a bountiful feast

Even when my enemies are closing in on me
You annoint me with oil, my cup overflows
When you shepherd me
I am overwhelmed by love, over taken by your mercy

Lord your goodness without endWill be the house in which I dwell
I am overwhelmed by love, over taken by your mercy

Lord your goodness without endWill be the house in which I dwell
When you shepherd me

Lord you shepherd me
~ by
Brian Doerksen ~

Saturday, July 08, 2006

BYE BYE 39

This year marks 40 years of my life!



AUGUST 4, 1966

In less than 30 days I will say goodbye to my '30s! Hard to believe and yet, when I look around me I say 'of course!' My kids ages combined adds up to more than my own age, I'm beginning to get wrinkles around my eyes, my husband is already 40, I have bifocal contact lenses, I longingly look at little babies and dream of grandchildren, our nephews and nieces have their own children, every once in a while we discuss 25th anniversary celebration ideas, I have a child who drives, I have kids who have jobs, my son is the same age that my husband was when we began dating, my 'baby' is 12 now...Yes, I'm on the precipice of 40! BUT, there are things that make me wonder if I'm not 40 - my son turns the music down on ME (I admit it - I've always liked to crank up the volume!), I'm still a paper delivery 'girl' (I love the exercise), I still love birthdays, gifts and Christmas, I still get excited when snail mail arrives, once our kids waited for us at the entrance to an amusement park - because WE lost track of time...

I don't remember 1966 much :) so I researched it and here's what I found:

- Indira Gandhi was the PM of India
- Art treasures were ruined during severe floods in Florence
- The first solo voyage around the world was made by Francis Chichester
- Australia won 105 medals at the Commonwealth Games in Kingston, Jamaica.
Movies in 1966: Georgy Girl (Alan Bates, Lynn Redgrave) and Born Free (Bill Travers, Virginia McKenna) - and some other ones that I don't recognize!
Music in 1966: Green, Green Grass of Home (Tom Jones), Monday Monday (Mamas & Papas), I'm a Believer (Monkees), Yellow Submarine (Beatles) - and much more that (again) I don't recognize;
Lots on TV: Dr Kildare, The Avengers, Lassie, Gunsmoke, Bonanza, The Andy Griffiths Show - again, these are ones that sound familiar to me (even though I grew up without a TV!).

Canadian Things in 1966:March 12 - Bobby Hull sets the record for the most goals in an NHL season; May 18 - Paul Joseph Chartier is killed when a bomb he is carrying goes off on Parliament Hill; October 1 - The CBC becomes the first Canadian television network to broadcast in colour; December 31 - The Centennial flame in front of Parliament Hill is lit;
Grey Cup - Saskatchewan Roughriders win 29-14 over the Ottawa Rough Riders;
Stanley Cup - Montreal Canadiens win 4-2 over the Detroit Red Wings. Stephen Leacock Award: George Bain, Nursery Rhymes to Be Read Aloud by Young Parents with Old Children.
Star Trek premieres starring Montreal actor William Shatner.

Other Canadians who turn 40 this year: Jeff Healey, musician (March 25), Belinda Stronach, politician (May 2); Gary Roberts, politician (May 23); Kurt Browning, figure skater (June 18); Joe Nieuwendyk, ice hockey player (September 10); Peter Milkovich, field hockey midfielder (October 17); Wendel Clark, ice hockey player (October 25); Kiefer Sutherland, actor (December 21).

I share my birthday with:
1792, Percy Bysshe
Shelley W r i t e r; 1901, Louis Armstrong M u s i c i a n; 1904, Antonio Vivaldi C o m p o s e r [ d. 1741 ]; 1947, Klaus Schultze M u s i c a l A r t i s t; 1952, Maire Ni Bhraonian M u s i c a l A r t i s t; 1955, Billy Bob Thornton A c t o r; 1958, Ian Broudie M u s i c a l A r t i s t; 1962, Roger Clemens A t h l e t e; 1962, Paul Reynolds M u s i c a l A r t i s t; 1981, Marques Houston M u s i c a l A r t i s t.

I've never met any of those people but I do know a few people who share my birthdate - my sisters-in-law's sister Dorothy, Lou-Ann from church, and Missy - who I know will be 10 this year because she was born on my 30th birthday! TIME FLIES! HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE! Treasure the moments that God has blessed you with - and 'SEIZE THE DAY'!

Remember your Creator while life lies before you

Remember His only Son who gave His life for you

And think on His laws, and see life through His eyes

Then you'll know that you're

Walkin' wise!

(Judy Rogers)

UPDATE - Miracles do happen!


NOW UNTO HIM WHO IS ABLE TO DO IMMEASUREABLY MORE THAN ALL WE ASK OR IMAGINE, ACCORDING TO HIS POWER THAT IS AT WORK WITHIN US, TO HIM BE GLORY IN THE CHURCH AND IN CHRIST JESUS THROUGHOUT ALL GENERATIONS, FOREVER AND EVER! Amen. Ephesians 3:20

It's been a week since Miriam, Marissa & Selina's accident and the recoveries have been remarkable! We know that this would not be possible except by the Hand of our loving God. We praise Him for His work in the girls' lives - many have said that when comparing the day of the accident to one week later it seems like the girls rose from the dead!

Here is an update from the Miriam Fluit blog (you can read more here http://miriamfluit.blogspot.com/ )

Friday, July 07, 2006
One week
Wow. Its hard to believe that it was exactly one week ago that we all rushed to the hospital in Hamilton after finding out about the accident. I don't think that any of us really imagined last Friday night that we would get as far as we have in just a week, including the doctors! Looking back at everything that the Fluit family, Leanne, myself and all the family and friends have gone through, it's just amazing to be able to recognize so clearly the strength that God gave us when we really needed it. God truly is an AWEsome God!Tonight we once again have the blessing of being able to look back at the day and confidently say that things are looking up. The recent reports from the doctors really have been optimistic in that Miriam will recover in due time. The doctors have expressed that even though they will not be able to thoroughly assess her until she is more awake, Miriam's recovery thus far is remarkable. But we all know that Miriam's recovery thus far is more than remarkable; it is a miracle.God has truly blessed us through these difficult times and we trust that He will continue to provide what we, and expecially what Miriam, will need on the long road ahead of us. We are so thankful for all the love, support and prayers that so many friends and family members continue to express and it is our prayer that God may continue to be glorified by us all.Peter, Leanne and Fluit family


Prayer Requests
*Please continue to pray that the breathing tube may be removed as soon as possible
*Pray that Miriam will have patience and strength in the days ahead of her
*Thank our Lord for the miracles he has preformed in Miriam, Selina, and Marissa's lives. We stand in awe.

~~~
The photo above shows Miriam (at the back of the boat) and her sister Rebekah.

KEEP PRAYING FOR THE LORD'S WILL!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

WHO AM I?



I did a lot of driving today - mainly down country highways, and the view was spectacular! The sun was shining and I saw wild flowers at the side of the road, crops growing wonderfully, trees adorned with luscious leaves - some with flowers too - and the sky was HUGE! Bright blue, with tons of multi-coloured clouds. (It was a picture-taking day - and I'd forgotten my camera - this pic is from another gorgeous day.) I was amazed at the sight before me - how beautiful this world is, and how small I am! Made me think of all of the concerns of life - and how I fret about them - and yet GOD IS IN CONTROL! What a comfort that is! The events of last week - the accident - and how small we truly are when life goes out of control - even when we think we are in control! And yet, GOD CARES! About the big things AND the little things!

I drove along and Casting Crowns began to sing one of my favourite songs -

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Chorus:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean, (ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Chorus 2x

I am yours.I am yours.
Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.I am yours.


PRAISE THE LORD!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

PLEASE PRAY FOR MIRIAM & FRIENDS!

It's been quite a while since I wrote here. A lot has happened. My heart is heavy now - has been for a few days. You see there was an automobile accident on Friday, June 30th and two girls from our church were in it - as well as one of their friends. All three girls are 17 years old. Young. New drivers. The same age as our son. We've known two of the girls for all of their lives - and it just breaks my heart to hear and see them suffering so badly. Our own kids are saddened. Our church is saddened.

Please pray for Marissa, Miriam and Selina. They are all hurting. Miriam & Selina are in the hospital battling head injuries and other physical injuries. Marissa is at home, recovering from the accident too and battling a broken heart. They all need loving arms to surround them and their families.

Read here about Miriam: http://miriamfluit.blogspot.com/

Sunday, April 09, 2006

OUR ANNIVERSARY!


It was 19 years ago today (April 11, 1987 actually) that I became a married woman! Time has flown! Looking back I can see lots of good times and some bad times - but overall, it's been a wonderful journey.

It was in 1981 that I met my future husband. Our family had gone to a new church and I recognized this guy who also went to the same high school as I did. We got to know each other, became good friends, but I wasn't allowed to date until I was sixteen. I was fifteen at the time. So we did things with groups of friends - went out for coffee, played sports, went to various activities with our church's youth group. And sometimes, after school, we'd swim together in our school's pool. Sometimes we went to 'Burger King' for a drink and chat.

On August 4, 1982 I turned sixteen! Our first official date was on August 30th, at Canada's Wonderland, near Toronto - it was magical! He held my hand and asked if I'd go 'steady'. Of course I said 'yes' - I knew a good guy and this one was great! It was up there on one of the fake mountains that we made this agreement! And I've never looked back!

In October, 1985 he put a ring on my finger - we were engaged! And on April 11, 1987 we were married! Life was grand! And has been since.

Corny eh? But it has been. No it hasn't been perfect. I've been mad at him; he's been mad at me. We've 'let the sun go down upon our wrath'. We're not proud of that. But overall, we've had such a great ride! We've laughed instead of crying, but we've also cried. (I think we've done more laughing!) It's important to laugh in life isn't it? I tend to be overly serious. Dear husband can sloff things off - I have to analyze them to death. Both ways can be annoying. Both ways can be good. Balance - it's all about balance, right?!

I read this recently in Karen Kingsbury's book called A Thousand Tomorrows, and these are my sentiments today:
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres - Love never fails. (I Corinthians 13.)

If I have ten years with you, or a hundred, our time together would never be enough. With you, I'm something I've never been before. I'm whole because you complete me. My love for you means I'm no longer sure where I end and you begin. I promise you everything I am, everything I have, as many days as we share together. No matter what tomorrow brings, I will be here. I will stand by you and stay by you. I will be strong when you cannot be strong, and I will hold you up when you cannot stand. My love, my life, is yours.

Love is not measured in years or decades, but in smiles and dreams and shared bits of laughter, in quiet walks and tender embraces and late-night talks. I will stand by you in your dreams and stay by you in spirit. I will be strong in heart when you cannot be strong, and I will hold your hand when neither of us can stand. My love, my life, is yours.


I do believe that Andrew completes me. I believe that we were destined to be together for life. I thank the Lord for Him. What a blessing!

Our vows ended with "Henceforth you go down life's pathway together, and may the Father of all mercies, who of His grace has called you to this holy state of marriage, bind you together in true love and faithfulness and grant you His blessing." (CRC, Psalter Hymnal, 1976).

HERE'S TO MANY MORE WONDERFUL YEARS TOGETHER!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

THE LORD'S HAND



The Lord's hand in our lives ... I was talking with a group of friends lately and one asked about times in our lives where we visibly saw the hand of God. I've been pondering this for a while. I've seen Him in many, many places, many, many times, but, when asked, I couldn't think of any big times. Lots and lots of little times. Times when He has provided what we needed - whether it was monetary or something physical, or even strength to get through something that seemed too tough. Times when His hand surprised me - even though I know that He is there with me day in and day out. 24/7 as they say today!

There were many times when I needed to find a certain item for our children but money was tight. I needed to stay within our budget and it seemed that I would never be able to do just that. But sure enough, I found what was needed and many times it was way better than what I expected! I was assured that He cares about EVERYTHING in His people's lives. Even the seemingly insignificant.

At church this past Sunday I thought of a significant time. It was at my dad's funeral. I was 24, he was almost 54. He was in Northern Ontario, deer hunting with a friend. He was due to arrive home soon. In fact, he came home on the same day that he was due to come home. But he was dead. He and his friend had drowned. We will never know for sure what happened but from the Ontario Provincial Police investigation and his autopsy, they think that his friend broke through the ice while crossing a body of water and dad tried to help. They both drowned.

We were told that they were 'missing' first. That was a Tuesday night. On Thursday morning our fears were realized. They'd both drowned. They'd recovered the bodies. We were told that they would have gone fast. Hypothermia would have set in fast. Within fifteen minutes they would have been sleepy. Then they would have slipped under the water and drowned. That death came fast was some comfort - but every time that I saw a body of water after that, I cringed. Somehow I'd always imagined my dad growing old with our family. I'd never considered that I might never see him grow bald or grow weary in old age.

Now about God's hand - how could anything good come from something so terrible? I was numb at first. I wasn't angry - it was too unbelievable. (Even now it sounds so unbelievable when I tell the story to someone who doesn't know about my dad & his friend. ) On Sunday we sang a hymn which is based on the book of Revelation and the Lord's second coming. How things will be in heaven - seeing the Lord and rejoicing! It talks about the saints being reunited again. The hymn is called 'By the Sea of Crystal' by John Vanderhoven, 1933. (listen to the music online: http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/b/t/btsocrys.htm )

"By the sea of crystal, saints in glory stand,
Myriads in number, drawn from every land.
Robed in white apparel, washed in Jesus' blood,
They now reign in heaven, with the Lamb of God.

Out of tribulation, death and satan's hand,
They have been translated at the Lord's command.
In their hands they're holding palms of victory;
Hark! the jubilant chorus shouts triumphantly:

UNTO GOD ALMIGHTY, SITTING ON THE THRONE,
AND THE LAMB, VICTORIOUS, BE THE PRAISE ALONE.
GOD HAS WROUGHT SALVATION,
HE DID WONDROUS THINGS;
WHO SHALL NOT EXTOL THEE,
HOLY KING OF KINGS?"

What a picture!

How would I be able to sing this at my father's funeral? Sure I was happy that my dad knew the Lord (so did his friend) and I knew that they were in a 'better place' now. But sing THIS?? We did. I belted it out! Tears streamed down as I sang. This was THE LORD giving me the words. Yes, it was hard. But my comfort was in the Lord.

No, I couldn't explain how the Lord could make any good come out of this. I was left without a father. My mom was now a widow. Grandchildren were left without a grandfather. How could any good come of that? But it did.

The church was packed for the funeral. My dad was a bus driver and the transit commission brought a busload of his fellow workers to the funeral. The gospel was preached. Many were touched by our faith. A gift from the Lord. The service was focused on the Lord. Not on my dad. Yes, we remembered dad - but we remembered his Lord more.

Years later (this happened in 1990) I still hear about his funeral. Or about how 'tragic' his death was. His death touched many lives. Even now when I retell the 'story' people gasp. Dad was 'in shape'. He jogged daily. He ate well. His blood pressure was low. But he didn't live to a 'ripe old age'. He died quite young. He was ready.

THAT was and is a comfort to us.

The Heidelberg Catechism, Lord's Day 1 says: "What is your only comfort in life and death?

A. That I, with body and soul, both in life and death (Romans 14:8), am not my own (I Corinthians 6:19), but belong until my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ (I Corinthians 3:23, Titus 2:14), who with His precious blood has fully satisfied for all my sins (I Peter 1:18, 19, I John 1:7, 2:2, 12), and delivered me from all the power of the devil (Hebrews 2:14, I John 3:8, John 8:34-36); and so preserves me (John 6:39, 10:28, 29, 2 Thessalonians 3:3, 1 Peter 1:5) that without the will of my heavenly Father not a hair can fall from my head (Matthew 10:30, Luke 21:18); yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation (Romans 8:28), wherefore by His Holy Spirit He also assures me of eternal life (2 Corinthians 1:22, Ephesians 1:14, Romans 8:16), and makes me heartily willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto Him (Romans 8:14, 1 John 3:3)."

How did I see the Lord's hand? Mainly from the comfort that He gave me and my family. The peace that we had. The joy that we had during one of the lowest times in our lives. I was fragile at that time - Dad went missing exactly one month after I'd almost died myself (see previous post re: my first miscarriage). I was just beginning to feel hope again. I was finally smiling again. And then this! Later I realized that because of my miscarriage, I was able to have one last time to see dad. You see, dad brought mom over to look after me after I came out of the hospital. Our last visit was a tender one - and they usually weren't very close or tender. Dad joked a lot but serious moments were few. He was glad that the Lord had spared my life. We shared that. And I never saw him alive again.

The Lord was with me through many 'hurdles' surrounding dad's death. Helping mom choose a casket. Helping mom choose his clothes for the visitation and funeral. The visitation. The funeral. The burial. It seemed so cold to leave him there in the ground. The quietness after it all. The anger when the rest of the world was intent on celebrating Christmas and I wasn't ready to (Dad died November 13 and they found his body on the 15th). Through all of the 'hurdles' I had peace. I knew that Q&A in Lord's Day 1 was true. The Bible told me so. And I knew that the Lord's hand was in my life and that He makes NO mistakes! What a comfort that is!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

MYSTERY SOLVED?



I may have celiac disease. I may never know for sure though. You see, I've lived 30+ years with stomach troubles. When I was a child I was told to remedy it with 'more fibre'. I did that. It didn't take the stomach pain or diarrhea/constipation away. Seventeen years ago - during our first pregnancy - I had severe stomach pains - and diarrhea/constipation. I was told that I had 'IBS'. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. That was it - I shared my symptoms, here was the diagnosis. I was young. I didn't ask for more information. I did research however and it seemed that the doc knew what he was talking about. I had IBS. I changed my eating - which was healthy to start out with, but I stayed away from some foods like regular coffee, hard-skinned vegetables like corn, green peppers etc. That seemed to help. I told myself it was helping. I avoided stress - as much as I could with working full-time and being pregnant. Oh yeh - the pregnancy wasn't going well either - 'attempted miscarriage' I was told. Everything looked fine, but my body wasn't cooperating. It turned out fine - our baby boy was born healthy and sweet. Then a year later I found out I was pregnant again. A surprise - but a good surprise! Then 'it' started again - spotting. It continued. So much for 'watching the stress'!! I miscarried. No, I more than miscarried. I hemorrhaged so badly that when I got to the hospital (doc told us that every woman bleeds a lot during a miscarriage - we didn't think we were any worse than any others who have been through it) I had severe blood loss, very low blood pressure and I was going into shock. They did a D&C on me without any pain killers. I didn't feel a thing. I was too far gone. What I do remember is asking the emergency room doc if I was going to die. He said he didn't know. He had tears in his eyes. I had a peace - I was ready to go, but I was sad since I wasn't ready to leave my husband and 18 month old little boy. They got the bleeding slowed down - recommended a blood transfusion. I said no. This was just after the late '80s blood transfusion scandal where many people were infected with HIV tainted blood. I'm glad I said no. I did have a full D&C the next day to ensure infection would not set in.

Healing took a while - for the first while I couldn't even walk more than 5 steps without having to sit down. I was VERY weak. But through diet I gained strength. My mom came to help me with our little boy. I slept a lot. My mother-in-law helped too. My dear husband was extremely helpful. At first I thought that he didn't care that we'd lost our baby but then I realized that he was just glad that I was okay. The emergency room doctor had taken him aside and told him that I might not live. It wasn't my time to go. I was blessed with more time with my family.

Then two years later - another pregnancy - fifteen years ago - - my stomach troubles got worse. I had diarrhea for the whole pregnancy. I had joint aches and pains. I didn't feel well. Doctor said I might have a parasite infection even though we're on city water and I'd never traveled far from home. Tests came back negative. I wasn't tested for anything else. I cut fibre from grains out of my diet. Even bought that white bread! Didn't eat much of it though. I did have baked potatoes. They didn't cause pain or discomfort. (They don't contain gluten - I learned this later!) Baby girl was born very healthy - late, and big - and sweet too. The joint pain got worse. Terrible joint pain - mostly in my feet/ankles and hands. Swelling too. I thought I had arthritis. I kept it a secret for a while - I was afraid that they'd take my babies away from me since I was having such a tough time looking after them. It was irrational but it was a real possibility in my mind. It was almost impossible to do up baby sleepers. Diaper changes were painful for me. Doctor said it would go away. It did, but about 10 months later. Disappeared as fast as it came. Never figured it out. I still wasn't feeling well - but I thought I was coping. Two years later - another baby girl - another healthy child. And another sweet one. But then again I love babies! There was another miscarriage before she arrived though. I didn't mourn that miscarriage much - I was too relieved that I hadn't hemorrhaged. I kept the portable phone beside me all the time 'just in case'. I bled for 20 weeks with our last baby. But blessed we were!

Fast forward to summer 2005...I've also had exzema for most of my life. Horrible. A friend of mine had a little girl with severe exzema - her homeopathic doctor told her to eliminate wheat from her daughter's diet. That would help the exzema. I thought I'd try that too. What did I have to lose? Within a few days the exzema improved - 100% at first, then about 40%. It's about 60% better most of the time now*. Better than any drug had done for me (I'd avoided those for years since I didn't get much better with them - I don't trust steroids, they scare me).

But the biggest news was the peace in my belly! I was sure that it would come back soon though. It didn't. I began to read up about wheat, gluten, and stomach problems. I found that I felt even better when I eliminated rye, oats, barley and other sources of gluten. I went gluten-free. Now before I go on - I learned later that you should not go GF without being tested for celiac or gluten-intolerance first. However, I was not going back! Long story short, I continued eating GF (which wasn't easy at first) and I waited for the pain to return. It didn't!

I saw my doctor - explained in a long letter the above, and he referred me to a gastroenterologist. Went there - he was very up-to-date on celiac and gluten-intolerance and was able to give me direction. He wasn't upset at me for going GF. He told me that if it helps, it would be 'prudent' for me to continue. He was willing to do the testing. And if I decided to ever do a gluten-challenge (going back on gluten for 12 weeks or more and then being tested again - if it was celiac, it would show gluten antibodies in my blood) he would support me in that - but, once you eliminate gluten, your body will severely react to it when you reintroduce it. And sometimes symptoms don't go away as fast when you eliminate it again. He said that he understood why I wouldn't want to do that though. I'm finally pain free! I feel good! Obviously there is a connection!

I have a lot of symptoms of celiac - but I may never know for sure. Celiac causes damage to the body - some irreversible. I'm very tired. I'm anemic. Have been for a while. Lots of other stuff going on too. Very painful skin lesions. Infertility and miscarriages are a symptom! Joint pain - even arthritis. There may be a family history - my father and paternal grandmother had stomach and bowel 'issues'. Undiagnosed. Both have passed away and I've hit a brick wall trying to find out information from that side of the family.

The blood tests have been done and soon I will have an endoscopy (laparoscopy of the small intestine - camera inserted down the throat to check for celiac lesions - which may have healed already since the offender isn't in my system - and also to biopsy the intestine for further damage - stuff like cancer which can be a result of gluten damage to the body! EEK (Some people find out it's celiac at the time of a cancer diagnosis!). They might find something - they might not.

I'm over the anger about this whole thing. I can't waste any more time feeling bad. It's time to move on. I still have stress. Sometimes lots of it - sometimes less. We have two teenagers and one who is nearing teenagehood. We homeschool. We're busy - who isn't? But I don't have any stomach woes. Is there a connection? I think so! I don't have one stress though - my life is in the Lord's hands - and that's the best place for it to be! I don't need to worry - He is with me. He will guide. He will direct. PTL! I do miss soft bread though. I loved bread. (But not enough to actually eat it now!)

UPDATE:
June 12, 2006

Endoscopy/gastroscopy and gluten testing results:

(1) My intestines are in very good condition - we even saw the photos! (no, I didn't get copies for my scrapbooks). My specialist did many biopsies and he is very confident that the tissue is healthy and cancer-free. This means that either I don't have celiac or that I have celiac that has healed (healing occurs usually within 6 months of being on a gluten-free diet - I am almost at 1 year now). Unfortunately we don't know which situation is the correct one.

(2) My blood work shows that I have Selective IgA deficiency. "There is a genetically determined condition call selective IgA deficiency that occurs in about 0.2 percent of the population and in about 3% of patients with celiac disease. These people do not make IgA antibodies, whether or not they have celiac disease. Since most of the highly specific and sensitive blood tests for celiac disease measure IgA, the tests are measuring a class of antibody that some people cannot ever make." [Celiac Disease: A Hidden Epidemic, by Peter H.R. Green, MD and Rory Jones] This means that my blood work for celiac would not show celiac anyway and therefore any future testing would have to be via endoscopy/gastroscopy.

(3) For definitive testing I could go on a gluten-challenge. This means that I would have to eat gluten for at least 3 months and then go for another endoscopy/gastroscopy and biopsies. Right now I am not willing to try this option simply because I feel good now and I would get quite sick with gluten in my system again (this is why going on a gluten-free diet before celiac testing is not recommended. When you eliminate gluten from your diet, you may react more severely when you reintroduce it to your system). Besides, how to you choose which three months to be sick for?

(4) The specialist gave me a requisition form for DQ2 and DQ8 gene testing. This is a new test which, if it is available in Canada (doc wasn't sure if it was here yet) would tell us if I have the gene that would make it even possible for me to have celiac. If I do not have this gene, then celiac would be an impossibility for me and our future generations via me. We went for blood testing yesterday but the lab was closed already. If the test is not available yet, I will keep the requisition form for the future & keep trying.***

(5) The importance for me to have a positive or negative diagnosis of celiac is that celiac is a genetic disorder that manifests itself in many ways, often not intestinally (it is often symptomless). It often shows up as malignancies and other auto-immune disorders later on in life, after the damage has been done. Therefore my children/family members could have it without knowing it and without knowing that it is causing irreparable damage to their bodies. Since there is a family history of various intestional/bowel/skin problems in my family, and since I have responded so well to a gluten-free diet, this is a very important investigation.

*** Found out that DQ2 and DQ8 gene testing is available at McMaster Hospital in Hamilton however it is only available upon approval by the Mac Tissue Typing department. I have sent this info to my specialist and am waiting to hear back. In the meantime I have found out through more research and from diagnosed celiacs that there are other genes that have been cited as contributors to celiac disease and although the statistics say that they are less than 1%, there are many, many celiacs without DQ2 and DQ8 but other genes such as DQ3. Sooooooooooo... sounds like this gene testing isn't the definitive!

At this stage I am going on the assumption that I either have celiac disease or that I have gluten intolerance since it is obvious that I have a problem with gluten. In the future I hope that gene testing or other testing will tell me and my family what exactly is causing my problems.

I have read that within 5 years of a GF diet, celiacs incidence of cancers and other medical problems become the same as the stats for the general population.

*Summer 2006 - eczema hovers between 80-90% improvement! I hardly bruise any longer, I am not as tired, although this is still a struggle (apparently although I am no longer anemic, I am on the 'low end of the scale'), dry skin sores on my scalp have disappeared (after being there for 12+ years!), I have grown back scalp hair that had fallen out, my nails are strong and they grow fast...& more! Whether this is celiac disease or gluten-intolerance - it is pretty obvious that there is some sort of connection!
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